


Sunshine Coming Out From Behind a Cloud

by haldoor



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, M/M, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 17:10:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1865775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haldoor/pseuds/haldoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Warnings/Spoilers:</b> None for the show<br/><b>Disclaimer:</b> I don't own them; I make no money<br/><b>Beta:</b> <span class="ljuser i-ljuser i-ljuser-type-P"></span><a class="i-ljuser-profile" href="http://siluria.livejournal.com/profile"><img class="i-ljuser-userhead"/></a><a class="i-ljuser-username" href="http://siluria.livejournal.com/"></a><b>siluria</b> once again stepped forward!  Thank you, my dear!<br/><b>Summary:</b> Danny turns up unexpected at Steve's one day to find the man in an unlikely state.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Sunshine Coming Out From Behind a Cloud

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kaige68](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaige68/gifts), [pippii](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=pippii).



> My slash twin, [](http://kaige68.livejournal.com/profile)[**kaige68**](http://kaige68.livejournal.com/) offered me the prompt that she would like to see Steve in a 'fragile' position, and this came from that. In the meantime I'd offered [](http://pippii.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://pippii.livejournal.com/)**pippii** a fic for her birthday. It was only as I was writing the last bit that I realized I'd fulfilled her favourite prompt of 'kissing', so this is for both of you, my friends. Sorry it's so very late! Enjoy. ;-)

"Hello?" Danny frowned as he entered Steve's open door. He was tempted to reach for his gun, only he hadn't brought it with him. It wasn't like Steve to leave the door wide open, even if he could be counted upon to leave it unlocked for Danny. "Steve?"

At the lack of reply, Danny carefully made his way through the downstairs rooms and out onto the lanai.

"There you are."

Steve was facing the ocean, standing at the end of the yard, looking out over the water lapping up at the tiny beach. There was something downcast about the way he stood, and his lack of reply made Danny's frown deepen.

"You okay, buddy?" he asked as he slowly made his way closer, careful to make enough noise so if Steve hadn't already heard him, he wouldn't attempt a headlock as soon as Danny was within killing distance.

Steve's head tilted enough in Danny's direction that he briefly caught a glimpse of eye, then Steve gave a quick nod, lifting a hand to scratch at his face before Danny got too near.

Or maybe he wasn't scratching, Danny thought, feeling awfully like he'd caught the man in a private moment. "You want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" Steve's voice was neutral, but Danny detected a slight thickness to it. Had Steve been… crying?

"I don't know… whatever it is that's… bugging you?" Danny tried, hesitating on how exactly to describe the situation.

There was an audible sigh, and then Steve turned, blinking and swallowing. Jesus… he _had_ been crying. Danny was so unprepared for such a sign of weakness from Steve, the super-SEAL, the guy who was never afraid to leap into any dangerous situation Danny could name, that he just stared, open-mouthed for a few moments.

"Okay, yeah, I am human," Steve managed, still sounding slightly choked. He sniffed, grimacing like he was still fighting the tears. "I know you never thought…" He trailed off as his face crumpled.

"Hey." Danny's heart expanded and contracted rapidly at the hurt and sadness evident in front of him. "C'mere." He gestured, and to his surprise, Steve moved immediately into the circle of Danny's arms, holding on tight as Danny enfolded him in a comforting hug. "Sssh, it's okay. Whatever it is, it's okay, babe."

"No, it isn't," Steve sobbed, his face pressing into Danny's neck so he could feel the dampness of tears.

"Okay, okay." Danny didn't have a clue what to say or do beyond this, but if holding Steve helped, he'd do it until he fell down, if he had to. "Let it all out, Steve."

It took a good ten minutes in the end, with Steve clutching Danny and sobbing like his heart would break, until he eventually hiccupped to a stop and pushed gently out of Danny's arms. Sniffing and still hiccupping, he wiped at his eyes roughly. "Coffee?" he got out.

"I can make it, unless you want something stronger?" Danny offered, his brow still furrowed with worry.

Steve shook his head. "That won't help. I'm sorry about this." He rubbed at his eyes again and turned away, heading inside with Danny trailing behind.

Danny had never seen Steve like this; there was a vulnerability about his expression suggesting that one wrong word and he'd be in floods of tears again. For once in his life, Danny didn't fill in the awkward silence with unasked-for platitudes. Something told him it would be better if he let Steve explain what was going on in his own time.

He sat at the table, watching Steve putter around the kitchen getting the coffee ready. Finally, he placed two steaming mugs on the table and sat opposite Danny.

"Catherine left me."

Danny felt like an idiot; of all the things that would upset Steve, he should have picked that one. The reaction he was seeing just wasn't one he'd have imagined somehow, though. "Jesus, Steve; that's rough. Did she say why?"

"After all this time, you'd think I'd be used to people leaving me or letting me down, wouldn't you, Danny? I never thought it would hit me this hard. I just… I didn't expect it, is all. I thought I'd be… I mean, that… I never… Oh, God, it's such a stupid mess." He covered his eyes with a hand and shook his head. It was obvious he was holding onto his composure with the barest of threads.

Danny couldn't make sense of the disjointed words. "Did you…?" He began, wary of accusing Steve of anything when he seemed so fragile.

"It doesn't matter." Steve ran a hand over his face and cleared his throat, blinking a few more times and then sipping from the coffee. "I'll be okay. It was just… a shock."

"Okay," Danny nodded, sipping from his own cup. "You tell me as much or as little as you want. If you need to let anything else out, go for it, babe."

Steve met his eyes for the first time at that. "I don't think I can."

"Okay." Danny raised a brow in question, but nodded, wrapping both hands around his coffee cup and waiting.

"It's just…"

Danny lifted his eyes back to watch Steve's as he looked vaguely around the room.

"She wanted… and I didn't… I never thought she'd look."

Not sure what to make of that, Danny pursed his lips and remained quiet.

"I shouldn't have written it down, of course, but… it helped."

Danny licked his lips in preparation of asking what Steve had written down, but Steve started speaking again, turning his mug around and staring into the liquid inside like he was telling the story to it rather than Danny. "I had no one to talk to about it, and I needed… to express it somehow. She wasn't supposed to read it, Danny." He looked up, his eyes shining with the same earlier vulnerability that Danny had never seen before.

"What, Steve? What wasn't she supposed to read? Your diary?"

Steve tilted his head away, closing his eyes and covering them with a hand. He went on like Danny hadn't spoken. "I just miss him. I wanted to write it down before I couldn't remember it any more."

Miss _him_? Who was Steve talking about? He thought about it for a moment; it didn't take long to add two and two. "Freddie?"

Steve nodded, eyes still hidden. "I loved him, Danny."

"I know you did, buddy." He reached out a hand and covered Steve's free hand where it rested on the table. He took a breath, scared to know, but needing to. His heart thumped hard at the possible answer as he asked in soft tones, "Why would that make her leave you?"

"Before… before Freddie and Kelly got married… he and I… we… it wasn't what our relationship was about in the end, but sometimes, Danny…" Steve uncovered his eyes as Danny took his hand back and sat up straighter. "Sometimes…" his voice was wavering again and Danny could see the fierce pride in his eyes that said he wasn't about to back down from this. "We slept together. Catherine couldn't take the idea that I… that I-"

"Loved someone other than her?" Danny couldn't help interjecting. He supposed that knowing that your apparently straight boyfriend had slept with his best buddy could be disturbing – hell, despite not being that surprised to hear it in the end, Danny found the idea a little disturbing himself – but it didn't seem like reason enough for Catherine to leave Steve, considering Freddie was no longer any kind of threat to what they had.

"No! She got that I loved him, Danny! I just never thought she'd freak over the sex."

"Were you seeing her when you… when you… were with Freddie?" Danny found he couldn't use the appropriate words out loud.

Steve shook his head. "It was before that. Once I was seeing Cath, it just… it wasn't right any more."

Danny re-ran Steve's earlier words through his head. _It wasn't what our relationship was about in the end_. "So it wasn't about having sex with a man? It was just…" Danny waved a hand, unsure how to describe it. "A connection?"

Steve nodded, but there was something in his eyes that looked like guilt as they dropped away from Danny's. "It could be rough out there sometimes," he murmured. "There were times we just needed… each other."

"I get that." Danny nodded, picking up his mug and sipping again. He'd heard or read it somewhere that when men were in difficult situations without women, like prison or war, sometimes relationships would go that way. It didn't mean the men were gay; it was just a way of dealing with feeling so alone or lost out there. And Steve and Freddie had been through a lot together; it made sense. Danny felt a little uneasy about it, if he was truthful with himself, but it didn't mean there was anything less about the man he knew and loved as a buddy – a very close buddy, it had to be said – because of it. "But she couldn't deal with the thought of you and Freddie… that way?"

"In all honesty, Danny…" Steve stopped, took a giant gulp of his cooling coffee, and swallowed it down hard.

"What, Steve?"

"I couldn't tell her I wouldn't do it again. And when I told her that, she said she couldn't stay with me. I love her, Danny. I just wanted to be honest; I thought she'd want that."

Danny felt numb for a moment. The news about Freddie hadn't been that big a deal. But the thought of Steve seeking another man in Freddie's place sent a sliver of anger through Danny. Maybe he _could_ understand why Catherine had left Steve. "Are you saying… you… you're-"

"Jesus, Danny!" Steve let out, looking almost more distraught than he had earlier. "I'm not saying I _will_ sleep with another guy; just that if I cared about someone… if things were different… maybe. But none of that even matters! The point is I love Catherine! I just wanted _her_ , and now I've lost her."

Danny shook his head. He didn't have a clue what to say. He studied the emotion still showing in Steve's eyes, trying to reconcile it with what he knew of the man's relationship with Catherine. In all honesty, the one thing he'd never seen between them was the spark of passion that her leaving seemed to be causing. Love, yes; they showed obvious caring and what appeared to be a deep affection that came from a long-standing friendship, but in truth, it had occurred to Danny before that _passion_ wasn't something he'd seen in their connection. Had he really just missed noticing it?

"Steve. I don't know what to say. Honesty is usually the best policy, but… sometimes there are things people don't want to hear. Are you sure you said what you did for the reasons you're saying?"

"Why else would I open myself up like this? Do you-" Steve cut himself off and stood up. "If you won't believe me… You may as well leave, Danny. I'll deal with this in my own way."

The fragility that Danny had witnessed earlier had gone from Steve's manner, and now he just looked angry.

Danny got to his feet. "If you didn't want her to leave, maybe you should think about why you really told her what you did." A part of him wanted to ask something further, but he couldn't quite make himself do it. The words rang inside his head as he turned and headed for the door.

_Is there another guy?_

And Steve's lack of reply to Danny's last words spoke as clearly as if he'd said it aloud.

~//~

Back at his own place, Danny picked up the stress ball Grace had given him for his birthday and sat down on the couch. Squeezing the coloured rubber, he studied the striations in it as he worried at finding the loose thread in this afternoon's events. There was something that just didn't fit in with the thoughts he'd had about Steve and another guy.

"Huh," he harrumphed to himself. "If he's into someone else, why would Catherine leaving be such a bad thing? Why didn't I see that before?"

It didn't make any sense. And Steve had been beside himself; more upset than Danny had ever seen him. There had been something about that fragility that had stirred a sense of responsibility in Danny. He had wanted so badly to fix things for Steve when he'd been bawling in Danny's arms, even before he'd known what it was about.

No matter how he turned things around in his head, Danny couldn't for the life of him work out why Steve would have been so devastated by Catherine's leaving if there was someone else; nonetheless, he was convinced Steve had to be hiding at least a sexual interest, if not an actual relationship, with another man.

"I hate you so much right now, Steven J. McGarrett." Danny grabbed his keys, dropping the squashed stress ball, and headed for his car.

~//~

"Who in hell is he, and why would Catherine leaving turn you into the mess you were this afternoon?" Danny hadn't knocked; he just opened the door and walked in, spotting Steve and launching into what had been eating him up since he'd left Steve's less than an hour earlier.

"Excuse me?" Steve looked up from where he'd been glaring at the TV. He clicked the remote, switching the TV off, and got to his feet. "What who? And I told you why."

"I don't buy it," Danny said, moving closer. "There's something you're afraid of facing without her to… I don't know… be your cover, isn't there?"

Steve swallowed hard, a touch of fear inserting itself into his expression, despite the anger he was trying so hard to hold on to. "No. She was never my cover. I _loved_ her. I still love her."

"Are you sure about that, babe? I mean, I'm not trying to say there wasn't some kind of love there, but is it the all-consuming love your reaction to her going would imply?"

"Who the hell do you think you are? You don't know how I feel!" Steve looked away for a second, holding himself tightly in a way that Danny suspected was just short of giving him the answer he was pushing for.

"I'm your best friend, that's who I am," Danny said, keeping his voice on the edge of a command. "You're scared, aren't you? That meltdown earlier was about being frightened of admitting who you really want to be with, not about losing Catherine."

"You can't know that." Steve's voice was lower than it had been, and he had gone from being angry to looking scared in the space between the two sentences. "I'm not… I'm not gay, Danny. Freddie's the only guy I ever went that far with."

"Okay, so you're not gay. Maybe you're bisexual, Steve, or… or maybe things were just different with you and Freddie. But you can't tell me there isn't someone else you want to be with, or this whole thing with Catherine wouldn't have hit you so hard, and you wouldn't be acting like this right now."

"It doesn't matter, Danny. I can't be-" Steve bit off the sentence like he'd suddenly realized he'd given away too much. He shook his head, gesturing vaguely. "I can't do this, Danny. Not with you; not right now." Turning away, he stomped in the direction of the kitchen.

But Danny wasn't going to leave it there; not now he'd gotten so close to the heart of the matter. He followed on Steve's heel, grabbing his arm and attempting to turn him as they reached the doorway. "What do you mean, not with _me_ …?"

The look in Steve's eyes confirmed it just as the realization hit.

Danny's eyes probably widened beyond belief as he let go of Steve and let out a little 'oh' sound. Steve stood there stiff and still, leveling a look of studied indifference at Danny as he waited for what he probably imagined was going to be the world's biggest freak-out.

Taking a step backward, Danny licked his lips and let out a low breath. "Now I know the meaning of the phrase 'be careful what you wish for'."

"You wanted to know. You were right, but like I told you, it doesn't matter anyway, does it? It's not like there's any point. You should probably go. I have no idea how… how to get past you knowing, by the way, in case that matters to you."

Steve turned away again, walking into the kitchen and scrubbing one hand through his hair. He looked as disconcerted as Danny felt, and all Danny could do was stand where he was, watching him move around the room opening and closing cupboards like he was looking for something but couldn't find it.

Finally, Steve turned to face him again, but he didn't quite meet Danny's eyes. "Please go, Danny. Or say something, or… You can't stay _there_ forever."

"How long?" Danny found words at last.

"How long what?"

"Have you felt like that about me?"

"Danny, stop." He let his eyes find Danny's at last. "I can't talk about it with you. You have to know how awkward that would be, not just for me, but for you too."

Thoughts swirled around inside Danny's head, and he took a few moments to study them; to fit the pieces together like a jigsaw puzzle he'd had almost completed for way too long without that final, crucial piece slotting into it's true place until now.

His heart began to thump so loudly in his ears, it seemed like Steve should be able to hear it too. "Maybe I _can_ stay here forever."

"What?" Steve looked confused now, but it was hardly surprising, considering he had no idea what was going through Danny's head.

"I've been blind. Totally blind. But that doesn't mean I can't recognize an emotion once I've been pointed in the right direction."

"What are you talking about, Danny?"

Danny let out a half-laugh. He'd practically been reliving the last few years – specific moments of them that involved him and Steve – all morning since he'd understood something of what Steve had been hiding.It all made so much more sense now the last clue he needed had appeared. "You and me, babe."

"What about you and me?"

Danny shook his head and took a step closer. "All those reasons I gave for not getting involved with someone else every time things didn't work out? The reason why I questioned your relationship with Catherine even before she did? Why I let you do things I know I should stop you from doing? I'm just as bad as you are."

"I still don't understand." Steve's perplexed frown hadn't disappeared.

"Steven, for someone who's spent time in Navy Intel, you're a dumb bunny sometimes. For Christ's sake, just come here." Danny took the last step between them, pulling Steve even closer by the t-shirt, and planted a kiss on the surprised man's lips.

There was an awkward moment, but then Steve was loosening up and responding, opening his lips and allowing Danny's tongue inside as their bodies moved in perfect rhythm and their arms went around each other.

It was perfect; the kiss was smooth and warm and moist, and Steve tasted like fresh coffee with a slight tang of nuts. Beyond that, there was an underlying inexplicable taste that could only be his natural flavor, and Danny couldn't get enough. He'd never actually thought about kissing Steve before, but now that his tongue was winding gently around Steve's, and Steve was answering back by pulsing his own tongue against it, he wondered why the hell not. Fuck! Steve's mouth seemed made for kissing – made for kissing Danny at least – and he was going to keep doing it until one of them had to breathe.

It was Steve who drew back first in the end. He looked into Danny's eyes with a kind of wonder, like he was finally considering what the reality of them could involve, and then he smiled; sunshine coming out from behind a cloud. Danny laughed, his body pressing into Steve's as a joy he'd thought impossible filled his heart with light.

"Does this mean…?" Steve started.

"You bet your tattoos it does, sailor," Danny replied, finding Steve's lips once more.

And this time, he wasn't going to stop until they both believed him.

~//~//~


End file.
